Here it is, ladies and gentlemen...the most dangerous piece of equipment in your homes.
The tall upright walkers in my house call it an...'ironing board'. I don't know what that means, but I know it makes this loud squeaky noise when it gets opened up at my house. It's not used that often, but when it comes out, it screams at me. It screams at my family, too, and they don't even care. They just act like it's no big deal. They stand there and drape their clothes on it and smile at me. They have no idea how dangerous this thing is - if only they understood the words it uses when it opens up! I hate it. I loathe this thing, this ironing board thing, and I want it to die. I will continue to bark at it and nip at its legs when it sits in our kitchen, because it needs to know that it is not welcome in our home. How do I make it leave? What do I do?
Please, if you do nothing else today, make sure that you drag this thing out of your house and out into your front yard. It is the only way to keep your family safe.
Yours truly,
Madden
