Bless You

My name is Madden, and I have a tissue problem.
When I first came to live with the Dogs on Propps, my people complimented me on my good manners. Though I licked a lot (ok, a LOT), they told me that I was good. Occasionally I had accidents, but I never, never chewed anything.
Until the first time.

My human mama was walking into the room when she found me. I had her brand new phone in my paws, and was, well, chewing it. I don't know why she was so upset - it still worked and all, but she couldn't use the zero key, which I guess was pretty inconvenient for her. Whatever.
After that, it was like a whole new world had opened up for me. I began finding things all over the place that were chewable. There were pieces of fuzz here, plastic sections there, you know, the normal stuff on the floor. But then the day came when the boy went to throw a tissue into the trash can and missed.

It was a whole new ball game.
I got that tissue, and I shredded it up into little tiny pieces. I spread them around the floor, and then went back and ate each individual piece. I was in heaven.

As time has gone on, I have discovered that these people have whole boxes of brand new tissues
all over our house. Initially, I tried to hide my problem from them. When they would walk out of the room, I would snatch a tissue surreptitiously from the box. They often found me on the couch, eating a brand new tissue, and then they had the nerve to take it away from me! I mean, if they're sitting out, aren't they meant to eat?

I guess the problem really got bad this last week. The human mama was sick...soooooo sick, as she kept saying, and she had to blow her nose a lot. She had her new tissue box and her old tissues scattered about, and I guess I got a little out of hand. I kept pulling them out and trotting across the floor victoriously, thinking about the feast I was about to engage in. Sometimes she would catch me, but most times she didn't.
The last few times, though, she has told me I'm a...how did she say it? Oh yeah, I'm a "bad dog" for eating tissues.

You know, I'm not bad. Sometimes I can't help myself. It's not like it's a problem or anything. I can totally stop anytime I want.

Madden leaves destruction in his wake